Twitching

Why is it that we are 9 games into this year’s spring training schedule and tomorrow is the first time that the Reds will be on television at all? I’m dying here. Every year for the past 20 years or so, I’ve shaved my head in the spring in preparation for baseball season. It started as just making it easier for practicing, but it became a habit. So, here I sit, bald and bored. Like the nerd at the ball – I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go.

I NEED ME SOME BASEBALL!!!

Don’t tell me that other teams are on so that should get me through to the first broadcast. Seriously? Have you ever actually attempted to watch another team’s spring training game? 40 guys you couldn’t possibly give a rat’s ass about playing for a team that you care even less about – if there’s anything lower than the proverbial rat’s ass.

Add to my regular edition of spring fever, the fact that I’ve been writing for BRM for about four months now and it equals a serious case of withdrawal.

So, to get me over the hump, I’m going to go over my routine. Baseball is all about routines, so why can’t I have one for watching the greatest game on the planet? If you disagree with that statement, that’s fine, it’s your opinion, but you’re wrong. Trust me, I’m right.

The following routine is for a 7:05pm game at GABP.

5:30am – wake, shower, turn on sportscenter to see if anything has happened the day before that might be remotely relevant to the game tonight
6:30am – realize that I just watched an entire episode of sportscenter (during which they said roughly 5 seconds worth of valid information about the Reds) and should probably start getting ready for work
8:00am – arrive at work and immediately review the Reds website and roughly 18 other news/blog sites for any remotely relevant information for tonight’s game
10:30am – work for roughly an hour and a half until lunch
1:00pm – review said 18 websites for any changes in relevant information
3:00pm – work for another hour to make sure SOMETHING got done that may have remotely earned a paycheck for the day
5:00pm – get in car, turn on 700WLW or ESPN radio to listen for anything interesting
5:05pm – get irritated at moron asking questions on radio who can’t figure out the difference between a curveball and a slider – change channel
5:07pm – can’t handle not listening anymore, so change the channel back
5:15pm – arrive home and complain to my wife that people are idiots, get punched in the nuts by my 3 year old son who’s happy to see me home
5:17pm – turn on radio in kitchen and grab a beer while making dinner
5:45pm – realize that I’ve been standing in the kitchen, drinking beer and listening to the radio for the past half hour with no dinner made
6:00pm – eat dinner with the family – pop tarts and grilled cheese sandwiches is a good dinner right?
6:30pm – turn on FSO to watch pregame
6:35pm – get kicked out of living room for “arguing with the television”
7:05pm – blood finally returns to my extremities as the first pitch hits the catcher’s mitt. All is right in the world.

It’s my routine and it works for me. What’s yours?